Your Moment of Apocalypse


October 2, 2008 Your Moment of Apocalypse, politics


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Well, we all know that she wanted to keep Wasalia’s library free of pesky ideas, and I think it’s pretty plain that she doesn’t read the newspaper and that she slept through years of American history classes in school. What does she read? Well according to the photo supplied by her family to the AP, above, she reads American Opinion, the official magazine of the John Birch Society. You go girl!  Show those true colours!

Original story from BAGnewsNotes. The Society has it’s own post up on the photo. Apparently it’s also the 50th anniversary of those wacky paranoid folks at the JBS. Congratulations on a half century of ultraconservative activism! Thanks for keeping things interesting.

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August 26, 2008 Video, Your Moment of Apocalypse

Well, if humanity’s supply of rare metals and petroleum holds out long enough to forestall a brutal, post-technological dark ages (get ready to defend your canned food with a bat with a nail through it!), these are the baby steps of the species that will likely come to replace us. And they’ve got just the soundtrack to boogie while they do it.

Seen on Boing Boing Gadgets.

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August 3, 2008 Food, Your Moment of Apocalypse

A single onion costs pennies, but the chopped remains of about one (also available in red!) will run you $1.99 at your local “overpriced organic ego-chow mart.” This was spotted at the Henry’s in San Pedro, an upscale market that always seems light on customers. I have nothing to add other than that I’m no longer shocked by the downward spiral of self-reliance in this society. Oh, and I guess I raise a tiny, tear filled glass to the opportunistic bastards at Gill’s Onions for separating the lazy from their undeserved shekels.

FYI - if you’re the kind of person who buys this stuff, after the apocalypse, you’re first into my over-sized cooking pot, future long pig. Lazy, desk jockeys with health care, don’t work with their hands, organically fed humans are the tender, well marbled Kobe beef of the desolate future.

Photo by generous phonecam wielder and fellow shopper Michele.

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June 29, 2008 BBQ, Food, Your Moment of Apocalypse

Elote Gentrification - Kernels Gourmet Corn on the Cob

As signs of the end times go, this is a bit of a tiny one. I love good food, sometimes I love bad food related business plans just as much. A while back I discovered Crispycones, which I’m glad I’ve never eaten, and I hope you never have, either. Last night, on our way to the newly un-burned-down Johnny Rebs’ in Long Beach, Michele spotted the words “Kernels, Gourmet Corn on the Cob.” Phill and I, not having seen the sign, had no idea what she was talking about, I think we both thought she was referring to KFC, and therefore “Colonel’s.” Meriting investigation, following our meal, we checked out what we knew was a bad business plan, but I think we all thought that it was some kind of weird flavoured corn on the cob to go place, but the reality turned out even better. Unfortunately they had just shut down as we were entering the parking lot, depriving us of anything further than storefront and web investigation.

Kernels Gourmet Corn on the Cob & Mexican Grill is a business concept, pushing multi-flavoured elote concepts, paired with Mexican (if post Taco Bell chow can still in any way be described as Mexican) fast food. Like all bad ideas with a website, there’s a handy button at top for potential investors/suckers. Take out a loan and spend a few years of your life watching your business fail with us! While, I’m very enthusiastic about chile and mayo covered corn, preferably bought from wandering strangers (although my neighborhood seems to not have any wandering vendors of the elote variety most of the year), but the idea of eating a “French Burrito” or a “Pineapple Quesadilla”, paired with a Apple Cinnamon Corn, or a Mongolian BBQ Corn is about as appealing as eating out of a dumpster, and more expensive. It’s Idiocracy food, man.

Anyways, I figure food this bad requries a BBQ chaser. So here’s some ribs and pulled pork from Johnny Rebs’. Good times, good times.

Ribs, Pulled Pork and Sides - Johnny Reb's Long Beach

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May 29, 2008 Art, Your Moment of Apocalypse

It’s official, Idiocracy (in its way, possibly the most important movie ever made, I shit you not) is on it’s way. I have a lot of lefty friends who are all up on the fascist aspects of our current government and political system. But they’re way, way off. We’ve headed down a darker road, where the president is a frat boy whose idea of conduct at the Air Force Academy graduation is to engage in chest bumps with his fellow bros. A government for idiots, and by idiots.

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May 2, 2008 Video, Your Moment of Apocalypse

Saw this on Boing Boing today, it’s a $6000 “chair” that either starts as a steel cube you sledgehammer hammer yourself, or for an extra $800, someone will pre-hammer it for you. Designed by Marijn van der Poll for Droog it’s clearly another sign of the end times. I’m paying $4 for gas, living on survival wages, and somewhere some out-of-touch social parasite is blowing seven grand for the novelty of experiencing a brief moment of hard labor, followed by the novelty of sitting in an overpriced chair, and then, most likely, telling some equally debased subhuman just how expensive it was, and then, most likely, receiving a Pavlovian response from said debased subhuman. The faux-irony of this object is killing me! Literally!

Below is a video of someone “making” one of these chairs.

I’ll make you a deal. Why limit your aesthetic desires to neutral cubes of steel, when you can really make a personal statement about your commitment to aesthetics. If you really, really want me to, I’ll come to your house with a sledgehammer, and for a low, low fee, I will sledghammer your foot (your choice of right or left) into a really awesome, totally useless club foot. Get a head start on your post-apocalyptic decline into poor health. Why walk to the food riot like the other starving, diseased folks, when you can hobble in style? Or for only $19.95, I’ll mail you my brochure on how to give yourself a nice case of scurvy, with my helpful pamphlet on goiter concealment thrown in for FREE!

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April 24, 2008 Your Moment of Apocalypse

I keep an eagle eye out for harbingers of doom. A lot of my personal work is about either catastrophe or apocalypse, so in a way, it’s my job. My future has never been the flying cars, white robes and food pills version, I’m expecting to trudge through middle age in a world of food and water riots, amid the Balkanization of the United States, as we enter a new dark age.

Rice prices have hit records, and for the past month there have been several reports of riots and protest related to increases in the price of rice in Asia (70%), and now Sam’s Club and Costco are limiting (read rationing) the amount of bulk rice that customers can buy. Even if it’s just meaningless hype, Why can’t I get the garbage truck/people catcher from Soylent Green out of my mind today?

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