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Well, it’s happened. I’ve eaten the Lady’s Brunch Burger / Luther Burger, and I have pleasantly encountered the Boondocks episode, The Itis, as well. And I’ve lived to tell the tale. Last Sunday was burger night at the house, and I figured if I’m going for broke anyways, why not throw Paula Deen’s glazed donut based contraption into my digestive track as well. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, and I’d hate to die never having known what a bacon and egg burger between two halves of a glazed donut tastes like. Or I could eat one of these and maybe die of a coronary tomorrow, who knows?

So here’s the recap. You know when you dip your sausage and pancakes in maple syrup? The glazed donut imparts that meaty-sweet sensation to the ordinary hamburger, and the salty bacon and protein rich egg keep the breakfast feeling going on. It really wasn’t my thing, because my thing is rich and spicy, and not candy sweet. But if you’ve got an irrepressible sweet tooth, and a death wish, this baby is your burger fatale. I only ate a few bites of the above before disposing of the donut and feeding the burger, egg and bacon to my loyal canine kitchen assistant, who promptly disposed of the non-photographic evidence of my sin. Then I moved on to the real show, the towering burger inferno seen below, which was so tall I had trouble getting it into my huge mouth.

Oh, and in further giant burger news, yesterday Wired Science used my photo of Mega Humburger Four to illustrate a post on a study of  the difference in eating habits between men and women.  One thing I’ve noticed about my giant burger photos is that they keep turning up all over the web, in odd places.

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So we bought a box of marshmallow gummi hamburgers at Smart & Final for my birthday, and they are, by far the most disturbing item I’ve ever had in my mouth.  It’s like eating a slice of citrus flavoured tire (the three layer gummi portion) sandwiched between two cheap, stale marshmallows.  It’s both hard to chew and alien tasting.  I’ve had to give them away to people with a “these totally suck” warning, and they’re one of only two foods that I’ve seen my food soul brother, Bret Berg, spit right out of his mouth in the decade I’ve known him, and that man will eat nearly anything.

The one above (top view here) melted in the back of my car, and I feel pretty confident in saying that the melted gummi may have formed a chemical bond with the plastic tray.  On a molecular level how different are gummi and plastic anyways, based upon how similar in taste both are, possibly not very different at all.

Technorati Tags: hamburger, burger, disturbing, melted, gummi, marshmallow, junk food, candy, food, food porn

Paula Deen is my kitchen MILF, and I have no choice but to love her. And I love burgers. I’ve eaten burgers all across this country, I’ve planned trips around the schedules of lonely road burger joints, and I’ve spent the past 2-3 years perfecting the hamburger in my home kitchen. I could bore you to death talking about hamburgers. Burgers are the Zen meditation of food to me.

Thank you Paula, for advancing us one tick closer to apocalypse (and therefore its more aesthetically pleasing companion, the post-apocalypse) via your promotion of the “Lady’s Brunch Burger.” Michele (who has a brand new webpage, where I have a feeling that my many, many verbal slip-and-falls are about to be highlighted for posterity.) forwarded me this link from the burger lovers over at A Hamburger Today, which actually has a series of posts devoted to Madame Deen, titled Paula Deen is Trying to Kill Us.

The above is an unholy abomination. Egg and bacon are essential and primal burger toppings, but to use a glazed donut as the bun crosses a line. Part of me wonders if this recipe is a gag, a bit of filler invented to pad out a webpage or cookbook. I don’t know. I’ve been watching Paula for years, listening to her buttery voice as she touts the pleasure of lard and other delights. So I think it’s totally plausible that she sits around on Sunday mornings, boozed up and laying in bed next to a platter of these babies. The sad part is, I know that I’m going to end up making one, because I have to know. I can feel the diabetic shock coming on already.  When is brunch?

Technorati Tags: food, food porn, Lady’s Brunch Burger, Paula Deen, hamburger, donut, unholy abomination, Sign of the End Times, A Hamburger Today, burger, fried egg, bacon

There just hasn’t been enough food porn on this site lately.  I’m sorry.  I just haven’t invested the time to either process the photos of what I’m eating, or to write about it.  I know, you dear reader, are sad.  I’m sad too - it’s winter and I’m still waiting to see if the Holy Grail of tomato plants overwinters, and then if it produces…  And I haven’t been eating enough barbecue lately… It’s a tragedy, I know…

The photo above demonstrates my “eating style.”  It’s not just enough to macerate and digest your food, you also have to intimidate, worship and drive it into submission, first.  That’s my Kingburger with egg, extra tomato, relish and onions at the Redondo Beach Fatburger, a place that is one of the happy bridges between my adolescence and my adulthood - many a happy meal has been eaten there, to the tune of jazz and blues from their often free jukebox.  It’s also an appropriate image to note the all too recent passing of Lovie Yancy, Fatburger founder and all around hamburger evangelist.  Although I sometimes wonder if my burger was as good as they were in the old days, and I’ve seen Fatburger prices get dangerously stratospheric, I keep retuning year after year.  RIP Lovie Yancy - your labors have brought so much culinary joy to so many.

At top: Threat, photo by Michele Hubacek, a poor soul who all too often has to witness my eating habits in awe and occasional shame.  This shame is best illustrated with this image, showing the disparity between what I eat and what she eats - That tiny, sad, pathetic thing on the left is her Baby Fat, which she only had a few bites of and finished later, and that open-jawed cardiac arrestor on the right is what I might call a snack - it barely survived long enough for the shutters on the cameras to do their magic.

Technorati Tags: food, Fatburger, food porn, burger, hamburger, eating, Lovie Yancy