Paula Deen is my kitchen MILF, and I have no choice but to love her. And I love burgers. I’ve eaten burgers all across this country, I’ve planned trips around the schedules of lonely road burger joints, and I’ve spent the past 2-3 years perfecting the hamburger in my home kitchen. I could bore you to death talking about hamburgers. Burgers are the Zen meditation of food to me.

Thank you Paula, for advancing us one tick closer to apocalypse (and therefore its more aesthetically pleasing companion, the post-apocalypse) via your promotion of the “Lady’s Brunch Burger.” Michele (who has a brand new webpage, where I have a feeling that my many, many verbal slip-and-falls are about to be highlighted for posterity.) forwarded me this link from the burger lovers over at A Hamburger Today, which actually has a series of posts devoted to Madame Deen, titled Paula Deen is Trying to Kill Us.

The above is an unholy abomination. Egg and bacon are essential and primal burger toppings, but to use a glazed donut as the bun crosses a line. Part of me wonders if this recipe is a gag, a bit of filler invented to pad out a webpage or cookbook. I don’t know. I’ve been watching Paula for years, listening to her buttery voice as she touts the pleasure of lard and other delights. So I think it’s totally plausible that she sits around on Sunday mornings, boozed up and laying in bed next to a platter of these babies. The sad part is, I know that I’m going to end up making one, because I have to know. I can feel the diabetic shock coming on already.  When is brunch?

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