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We’ve arrived in Kansas City, home of Kansas City-style barbecue. Having only about 24 hours to really get a feel for the local flavour, we started with the super-well known Arthur Bryant’s, made famous in 1974 by Calvin Trillin, who proclaimed it the “Best Restaurant on the Planet.” That’s some bold shoes to fill, there.

Well, Bryant’s turned out to be a serious disappointment. Arthur Bryant himself died in 1982, so maybe something has fallen off in the 25 years since his demise. While the BBQ boys of G.A.S. gave Bryant’s a decent rating of 7.1, they didn’t get past 8 on their scale of 10. So I don’t feel totally alone in questioning the quality of this legendary BBQ joint.

Adding to the quality of the food issue is the value and customer service issue. I eat in a lot of “family owned” BBQ and soul food places, and there seem to be a fair number of restaurants serving those styles where the sky’s the limit on price and the service is “fuck you” oriented. A lot of these places are assembly line cash cows where local or national fame has been leveraged, but the quality of food has dropped off over time, especially at restaurants that continue past the death of their legendary founder. Flossie’s in Los Angeles comes to mind… The insult is furthered by the fact that most of these restaurants have no table service, own their own building or otherwise have much, much lower overhead than many other restaurants.

So when I come to your window, after dealing briefly with your idiosyncratic line-up policy, and announce my intention to plunk down heavy cash for your overpriced and over-hyped food - treat me with some respect. At Bryant’s, I got shit for grabbing a plate and silverware at the beginning of the line, like all the customers in front of me did, as there’s no handy chart telling the public which of your various dishes comes on a self-serve plate, or a kitchen-served plate. The drunk as shit dude who came in while we were eating and stumbled his way through the line, talking at everyone? No one gave him a hard time at all.

above - my open faced pulled pork sandwich, fries and Boulevard Pale Ale. Not the droid I was looking for, I’ll tell you. I went in planning on going for the ribs, but I saw a lot of people order this, and pulled pork is probably my favourite BBQ…

There are three styles of pulled pork that I’m familiar with. The first is “I don’t know what pulled pork is”, sliced pork passed off as pulled pork. The second consists of big chunks of pulled pork, served without sauce. The third consists of pork shredded into mush and doused in sauce. Bryant’s is of the third type, which is not my favourite. I’ve enjoyed it in the past, but this dish was typical of what I tasted at Bryant’s - no depth. It was edible, but it had more in common with wet dog food than it should. The meat didn’t have any real flavour, and the whole thing really required a dousing in sauce to have any character. While I’m expecting BBQ in Kansas City to be sauce-oriented, this stuff had no life outside of the sauce (like bad French food). They were generous with the white bread, though.

The fries were excellent, but as Michele pointed out during our meal, “Anyone can do good fries.” She’s right - I’m not coming here for the fries.

The beer, a Boulevard Pale Ale from a local brewery, was a decent beer, smooth, slightly hoppy, but far from IPA territory. Light in both flavour and gravity, it was easy to drink. The only bad thing I can say about it was the size of the mug - skimpy. I might have gotten another, despite the poor value, but I didn’t care to deal with the staff again, even the register and beverage girl who was kind of nice.

above - Michele’s coke, beans fries and brisket sandwich. The beans were beany, not candy sweet, but more smokey and meaty than some others. I felt they could have cooked a little longer to suit my taste, but they weren’t bad. That coke is big, but it’s mostly ice.

Michele is a brisket person, and I’ve never seen her less interested in brisket. I should have taken a picture of the disassembled sandwich, so you could see the quality of the meat. This brisket is from the “find the fattiest piece of meat you can find, cook the shit out of it, just shy of not being moist, and pile it too the moon variety. Maybe they’re trying to get the most out of their cuts, and brisket should have some fat on it, but this brisket barely passed my test, and I’m not fat-shy like Michele is. Having no real discernible smoke ring, I was pretty disappointed with the flavour of the meat as well. It’s not that it was bad, it’s just that it wasn’t there, there was no depth to the flavour of the food. When we left, we abandoned a half plate of brisket, and I’m notorious for finishing my food and then moving on to everyone else’s. After tasting both their pulled pork and their brisket, I really don’t have much interest in tasting their other meats.

The Damage - Neither I nor Michele got out of Bryant’s for less than $13, and that’s just for sandwiches and a drink. A rack of ribs here, plain, will set you back $17 before tax and beverage, a serious investment. With scores of BBQ joints on deck in Kansas City, I’d say just avoid Arthur Bryant’s - while it’s not a culinary apocalypse, you can certainly do better. Kansas City barbecue is famous for it’s sauce, and the original sauce at Arthur Bryant’s was a gritty, spicy mess - beware the sauce. There was this excellent chariot parked outside, though.

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