Well Tyler Green has put out another top five - Top Five: Paintings into Movies?

My crank is turned. I’m going to concentrate on military/war/conflict themed works. Only one is a “battle painting” though, or rather a series of battle paintings. Here they are, in no particular order to speak of, with a short breakdown as to how I’d like to see each one realized.

Titian - Portrait of Alfonso d' Avalon, Marquis of Vasto, in Armour with a Page

1) Titian - Portrait of Alfonso d’Avalos, Marquis of Vasto, in Armor with a Page - There is a wealth of beautiful portraits of military men in European painting, but I choose this one because of the beautiful execution and the rich and interesting history of the subject. The key here is the story behind the figure. I love portrait painting for one reason - a good portrait painting is an opportunity to be engaged with and develop a perspective on the sitter and his time. This portrait shows the subject early in his military career, and a film based upon it would give us a view upon his career as a leader of men.

Alfonso d’Avalos was a Condittieri, a 16th century Italian mercenary captain, who went on to command a force of arequebusiers (soldiers armed with pre-musket smoothbore firearms) in the service of Holy Roman Emperor, Charles V at the Battle of Pavia. His military career ended with his defeat at the Battle of Ceresole.

Realization

A film based upon this painting would be best if realized by animator Peter Chung. Peter’s other historical work, Alexander took broad license with real history, and his masterpiece Aeon Flux shorts for MTV’s Liquid Television showcased his ability to tell a story around a central character with a minimum of dialog and explanation - two extremely tiring aspects of various films. Chung’s distinctive anorexia/bondage character/costume design would torn 16th century Italy into a decidedly sensual place, a ripe background for exploring the Marquis early career as a mercurial and potentially disloyal state sponsored mercenary, and his later rise to a place of prominence in the Imperial Army of Charles V. Chung’s style would use the ornate armor that’s so beautiful in this portrait as a stepping off point for the visual theme of the project. The last third of the film would depict d’Avalos’ loss at the extremely brutal Battle of Ceresole, where as many as 28% of all fielded troops became casualties - a famously bloody, pitched battle where ranks of pikemen and gunners wore each other down amidst charges and flanking maneuvers by heavy cavalry. So intrigue, high military/imperial politics and a blaze of glory at the end, all told in a highly stylized manner. Good times.

2) Artemisia Gentileschi - Judith Slaying Holofernes (Uffuzi version c. 1618-1620) - Lots of painters have visited this subject, but no one’s version is so ripe for interpretation as Artemisia’s. Numerous scholars have made big water out of the subject and execution of this painting in light of Artemisia’s own rape and subsequent trial, and this painting has been perceived as proto-feminist in orientation.

Realization

Like Titian’s Portrait of Alfonso d’Avalos, this painting is a brief glimpse into a historical narrative - a film still, so to speak from an existing story. It’s the character of this painting that would inform any film based upon it. Judith - a widow, historically a woman with little or nothing to lose, does what others can not or will not do. She steals into the camp of the enemy of her people, planning to put the moves on their leader, but instead her maidservant assists her in simply getting him so drunk he passes out before the deed is done. Then, Judith, assisted by her maidservant severs his head with his own sword. This isn’t a squeamish severing either - it’s an enthusiastic political killing executed by common people undertaking an extreme risk in desperate times. Director - Robert Rodriguez, realizing the material with the narrative style of a classic 60’s-70’s revenge film, only taking place in biblical times. Freakishly hot Salma Hayek as Judith would be the icing.

Butcher John Henry goes nuclear

3) Butcher John Henry - title unknown - a little background, as this artists isn’t as well known as the others. Butcher John Henry is the symbiosis of painters Logan Fox and Jeffrey Scott Brown, who share a studio together at Angels Gate. Their partnership is made significant, because Logan is colour blind, and he relies on Scott to assist him with that aspect of his paintings. Due to this hardship, Logan has an amazing ability to mix colours - I’ve seen him teach basic colour theory and color mixing to elementary school kids in a completely technical and confident way - the kids have no idea that Logan can’t see many of the colours he’s mixing. Ironically - this painting is in black and white.

I’ve always loved the above painting. It’s everything good about art and artists - it’s about being who and what you are in the face of certain destruction. It’s one of my favourite self portraits, because it’s a dual self portrait by and of two artists, and it captures their partnership and its importance in their lives so well. It has a “Today is a good day to die” quality about it. I also like this painting because the two artists portrayed aren’t “old masters, basking in their own glory”, but workaday painters - two guys who work as artists because it’s what they do, not because they’re swimming in illusions of inflated self-importance.

Realization

I’d like to see this painting realized as an experimental/art film. Maybe in the style of a silent, maybe not in English, or only in subtitles, to give the viewer distance. It would be great if the only sounds were the sound of the radio giving exposition, the sounds of the studio, the winds and the blasts. It would have to capture the “day sounds” of Angels Gate park - the birds, occasional cars, distant port sounds. It would be a short film, maybe 30 - 45 minutes in length and capture the preparation and execution of the painting by the painters who’s deaths are imminent and certain. The best part of this painting is their shared looking at the brightness outside, while Scott (on the right) paints furiously with a brush in each hand - the art world equivalent of action movie, two gun, slo-mo shooting. Director - can I go back in time and raise the dead on this one? Sure. Kubrick. Kubrick handled lighting like no other director who’s ever lived, and this little film would be all about light and shadow.

4) Sandow Birk - Getty Related images from his Smog and Thunder - I can’t seem to find a single image of any of Birk’s paintings relating to the siege of the Getty, from his Smog and Thunder series, online, anywhere. I’m pretty sure there’s at least one painting of the Siege of the Getty, but I can’t be 100% on this one. The teeny weeny image above was brutally clipped from the Amazon preview of his book, In Smog and Thunder: Historical Works from the Great War of California, which I really need to pick up, and it’s all I got. This is a series of works, mainly ink on paper drawings, but if I can resurrect Kubrick to direct a film version of a Butcher John Henry piece, then I can bend the rules a little, I guess.

This portion of the series depicts the battle taking place at the Getty Center, where an Alamo style defense of the Sepulveda Pass is put up by Smog Town General Felix Hernandez as trebuchets rain major appliances upon the hillside museum turned strategic fortress. I realize that the artist himself has already made a “documentary film version” of this project, but a live action version would be such a different project that I don’t see any conflict between the two. A side note - Birk is now painting scenes from the Iraq War, based upon Callot and Goya’s “Miseries of War” and “The Disasters of War” called “The Depravities of War”.

Realization

This is an opportunity to make a star studded blockbuster, somewhere between the disaster movies of the 70’s (Earthquake, Posieden Adventure, Towering Inferno) and a Peter Jackson epic, ala Lord of the Rings. Just imagining the CGI goodness of seeing half empty refrigerators shattering against the marble facade of the Center gets my blood moving. I’m totally seeing a career reviving performance by Edward James Olmos in this one, and a cast of well-knowns filling out a body of stereotypical/ironic Angelenos and San Franciscans, in an over-the-top manner. Director - Peter Jackson for the “quality version”, possibly executed as one part of a series of works, or Scorsese to direct it as a frenetic, detail packed examination of a pseudo-historical era, ala Gangs of New York.

5) artist unknown, photo by Frank Cline - Heavenly Lambchop - I went back and forth on this one. I spent a fair amount of time trying to find a contemporary painting to round out this grouping. I did research - I went back and forth, I developed a theory - had it shot down. I had another painting in this space, but I just wasn’t feeling it. So I’m going with one of my favourite genres of folk art - military aircraft nose art. I could have chosen any number of fantastic works for this one, so I guess this one is almost more about the genre than about a specific piece, but I’m particularly fond of the Heavenly Lambchop.

Realization

I want a goddamn documentary on nose art, dammit! Get Ken Burns on line one! This one’s not really rooted in some deep need to see a painting made into a narrative, but in a desire to see some really good film and exposition about one of the world’s great art forms. I want to sit around while someone drags me into the stories of the men who painted these and those who rode them to glory. Great nose art is even being made today - right now some testosterone fueled joystick cowboy is flying, bomb racks loaded, his nose graced with the good luck portrait of a slightly sleazy woman.